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Shocker. I can't sleep.

It's 5 am America right now. It's 2:30 Sunday afternoon in South Asia. My body feels like it's somewhere in the middle.

And my heart...

So many emotions are filling my mind and heart right now. I feel joy and love and gratitude for amazing family and friends who welcomed me home with open arms, ready to hear what I have learned and experienced over the past six months.





There is excitement about what the Lord has in store for this time at home. I know that He has me in Orlando for a purpose that I may not be able to see at this point. With all of my heart, I'm going to strive to live out Jim Eliot's words... "Wherever you are, be all there." I haven't forgotten that people are lost and hurting on this side of the world. I know there are things that need to be learned and shared here.

But right now I am grieving and processing the season that just ended. Missing the friends that have become like family. The faces of those that God is calling to Himself. The hearts of kids so thankful to be loved. The sounds that sung me to sleep each night and woke me up every morning. The glimpses of light and beauty in a dark place.



My heart now has two homes and is overflowing with thankfulness to a Father who is at work in both places.

Sharing Thoughts

Part of me is terrified to return to the States. I know the Lord has changed my heart in ways I will never be able to express. But I have no idea how these changes will translate into life at home. How others will respond to the ways I am different. How I will be able to sum up six months in a matter of minutes. How Dad will continue the good work He has started.

I also know that He has called me back for this season. And His faithfulness will continue.

Those of you that know me know my heart for orphans and adoption. It shouldn't surprise you that I read the blogs of adoptive families often and rejoice with them in the Father's redemption of these sweet children. I was surprised, however, that one of these moms so perfectly captured some of my emotions during her time in Ethiopia. Her thoughts and prayers so much remind me of my own. So I wanted to share them with you.

Maybe this will help you understand why I can't return to life as it has been. Why this place will always be a part of me. Why I have fallen so much in love with these people.

Reminders

I may end up blogging more in the next couple weeks than I have in the last six months. To those that follow, I'm sorry. My blog will stop showing up in your readers very soon. But the Lord is teaching me so much and my heart is overflowing, so bear with me.

There are so many things I love about this culture. The colors and sounds make me smile everyday. A ten minute walk usually takes me at least twenty because there are so many neighbors to stop and chat with. Then there's the food. I don't even need to say anything about else about that.

But there are also many things that constantly remind me that over a billion people in this country alone are in need of the Savior.

For me, the hardest of these to encounter has been the neglect of little girls in extremely poor families. There is a slum two blocks from my apartment. In this slum, one lady makes her living by "getting rid of" unwanted baby girls. Other mothers are willing to kill their children on their own. Girls are looked down upon because they are a burden. Wedding require huge dowries, and many families can't afford the expense. Despite the circumstances, I get sick even thinking about how a woman could do this. And it's become so personal.





These sisters are named Shelly and Allison. Their mother has had a total of six daughters. Two of this woman’s children reside with her in the slum, two were murdered by their mother, and the other two, Shelly and Allison, struggled to survive. Shelly was born a little over a year after her sister Allison. When she was a baby, her mother would not feed her. My friends, Suresh and Latha, were able to provide formula for Shelly to eat so she would not starve to death. As time passed, Shelly’s life resembled that of a stray dog, she ate out of the trash, and she was beaten and mistreated. She was longing for a family, for love, and for hope. And the Lord provided that through Karunya Ministries. Praise God!



Today I spent the afternoon with these beautiful kids.



After singing and Bible study, they began to share prayer needs. They shared about a young girl they know who had been brought to their school by police after her mother decided she no longer wanted her. Her mother's attempts to end her life- poison and burning- both failed. The headmaster of the school is now trying to figure out how to handle the situation.

As I listened to them talk, all of the anger, disbelief, horror, sadness, and pain came rushing back. But mostly anger. I'm not a mother, but I couldn't begin to imagine how any woman, regardless of their poverty and circumstances, could make that decision and carry out the actions.

Then I met with a group of believers in my city, and we spent time in the last verses of Luke 7. Wow. I am so much like Simon. Condemning others when I am in need of grace as much as they are. Still acting as though God rates the severity of our sin. Expecting unbelievers to live Godly lives. Responding with anger when they do not. Instead of loving these women as they are and sharing the love of Christ with them, I judged. Though I got so upset over their disobedience, I realized how rarely my own sin truly breaks my heart. Because my sin is "little", I have loved little (Luke 7:47).

Forgive me, Father. Thank you for the cross. Thank you for such grace. Thank you for reminders of your love. Teach me to love like You. Help me to understand the gravity of my sin and the enormity of your sacrifice. Allow me to share those truths with those around me.

To Love My Husband?

As a warning, this is slightly different from most of the blogs I write.

I am a blog wanderer. I jump from one to another and usually have no idea how I ended up there. Lauren’s blog is one of those. She has started to write on Tuesdays about ways that she loves her husband, and other bloggers link up to hers. I have been reading these posts for a couple of months and have been so encouraged by the authenticity of these women and their desire to glorify the Lord in their marriages. I thought I would join in the fun today.



But there is a catch...

I am not married. Not engaged. Not dating. Despite this small hang-up, I don’t think that gets me off the hook for beginning to “love my husband”. My favorite part of Proverbs 31 is verse 12.

“She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.”

All the days of my life. That doesn’t mean I get to start loving and honoring him when we meet. There is so much I can and should be doing during this season to prepare to be the kind of wife God has called me to be. To bring good to this man I don’t even know.

I can pursue the Lord wholeheartedly. I can keep my focus on Him, rather than being distracted by the temptations of this world. I can strive for purity in all areas of my life. I can be obedient to following His will, even when it’s not easy. I can spend time in the Word and hide those truths in my heart. I can love others more than I love myself.

My time in South Asia has been so helpful in these pursuits, but also in the small things. I am cooking more than I ever have before. And from scratch. Unless the Lord brings me a chef, I hope this is one way I am able to love and serve my husband. I have also learned what genuine community looks like. What it means to live life together and be authentic in our walks with each other and with God.

Though I’m incredibly far from perfect in any of these areas, striving for these things is the only way my husband will ever be able to say, “but you surpass them all”. So I will love him in this season through loving my Savior, basking in His grace, and seeing His plan for me beautifully unfold.

There's a Bigger Picture

Down to two weeks in my city. I've been feeling so overwhelmed as I strive to finish projects, say goodbyes, and continue to share truth with friends. In my mind, there's no way I can get everything on my list done. But the Lord so faithfully ministered to me tonight through this song and Scripture.

"I Am" by Ginny Owens

No Lord, he said, you've got the wrong guy
Simple conversation gets me tongue-tied
And you're telling me to speak with a maniac king
Or could it be I've lost my mind

Besides, I am weak, don't you want someone strong
To lead them out of Egypt when they've been there so long
And anyway, they wont believe You ever spoke to me
It's not your problem, God replied
And the rest is history

Cause there's a bigger picture you can't see
You don't have to change the world, just trust in Me
'Cause I am your creator, I am working out my plan
And through you I will show them, I Am

Now Lord, are you sure? He's just a shepherd boy
Too small for battle gear with a giant to destroy
What on earth can he do with five stones and a sling
It's not your problem, God replied
'Cause I can do anything

There's a bigger picture you can't see
You don't have to change the world, just trust in me
'Cause I am your creator, I am working out my plan
And through you, I will show them

I am the first, I am the last
I am the present and the past
I am tomorrow and today
I am the only way

Great Lord, she said, I'm just a simple girl
You say that I will bring your son into the world
How can I understand this thing You're gonna do
It's not your problem, God replied

'Cause, there's a bigger picture
And you don't have to change the world (oh no)
I'm your creator, I am working out my plan
And through you, I will show them
There's a bigger picture, you can't see
You don't have to change the world, just trust in me
Cause I am your creator, I am working out my plan
And through you, I will show them, I Am
I Am

"What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ- the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his suffering, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead. Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." Philippians 3:8-14

Instead of feeling overwhelmed by tasks and stress, I am overcome by His grace and favor and willingness to use a broken vessel. I'm so blessed to have been given the opportunity to see Him at work here and get to be a small part of it.

My goal is no longer to check everything off the list. It is to be faithful to what He has called me to do. And doing that fills me with more joy than I could have ever imagined.

The Last Few Months

I had really great intentions of blogging about all the incredible and entertaining things that have happened in the past few months. I recently came to the realization, however, that it will never happen.

But I have a solution. My roommate, Megan, is an incredible blogger for several reasons. Number 1 is that she's a good writer. She blogs like she is sitting across the kitchen table telling a story. And I'm speaking from experience. This is a daily occurrence at our apartment. She also writes about the funny things that happen in every day life. I can't read her blog posts without laughing out loud. The best thing about her blog is that it is updated often. She doesn't wait months before writing a post like her procrastinating roomie. Instead, it usually happens the same day as one of our crazy adventures.

So now that I've done an infomercial for Megan's blog, you should go to it. And laugh and be moved and hear about the incredible things God has allowed us to see and experience over the past few months in South Asia.

www.megannarrative.com



P.S. I was granted permission to share this after our delicious and comforting Mexican meal tonight. Thanks Megan!

Still Here...

... and planning to update very soon. It's just been crazy and there's more in my heart than I can get into one blog post. So keep praying.

I'm down to less than a month in my city, and I have no idea how to fit it all in. Pray we are wise stewards of our time as we start to wrap things up. It's going to be tough. My heart breaks thinking about saying goodbye to this season, to this place, and to these people.

A Need

Some of the sweetest times I have experienced so far in South Asia have been working with a local slum ministry. The directors have become incredible friends and mentors over the last few months, and I have fallen in love with they kids they welcome into their home each day. Each week, I am able to spend time teaching verses and lessons from the Word or praise songs to some of these children. I have been amazed and humbled by their prayers and faith that God will move.

That faith is on display right now. School starts again in just a few weeks, and the directors have no idea where the money for the children's schooling will come from. But they are trusting Him and stepping out in faith.

To hear it in their own words, here is a letter they recently wrote concerning the need.



About the slum kids:

Bangalore we have Slum children’s Ministry there are about 220 children, in this some are orphans and some are semi orphans (only one parent is alive). For some children though they have parents they are like orphans, only few children have parents.
All the children come to our house at 4.00p.m and stay till 8.30 p.m. During this time we tutor the children and help them in their home works and studies and they eat dinner. The children come in the morning for morning Devotion and then they study for some time and then they get ready and go to school.

When we first met these children they were not going to school at all and all the children aged from 8 to 10 years and above were addicted to drugs and alcohol. At that time we had heart for these Children. So we started with the Sunday school for them and after few weeks we started every day evening tutoring and then we put all the children in the school.

None of the parents are interested in sending the children to school because if the children grow little bit they can sent the children to work. The Girls can go for house work and the boys can go for the building labours and through this they end up with different bad habits. But we have encouraged about education to all the children and the parents and now we have all the children going to school some parents are supporting them.
For Slum Children Education:
Most of the children have no support at all for their education. If we help them then they will go to school every year if not they end up roaming in the slum and get along with many bad friends and start their old habits like smoking, alcohol, drugs stealing and so on.
Every year we have been relaying on our friends and well wishers to help these children in their schooling. This ministry is completely depending on God by faith.

This year 2010 March these kids were promoted and they are so excited to go to next class. We have 4 children who got 1st rank in their classes and majority have passed in 1st class.
In these 220 children we have 127 orphan and semi orphan children for them we have to help in their school fees, books, uniform etc. For other children we somehow encourage their parents to help the children go to school. Every year we struggle to raise money for these children schooling if not they will not go to school. Then their life will be miserable. Same way this year also we are praying for somebody to come forward to pay these children school fees. For each child it cost Rs 6,300 ($ 147 USD) for one year of schooling. This is one help which is in need very much because the children are starting the school on 24th May 2010.


It has been such a blessing for me to see God move as they pray in faith. I would love for you to join us in lifting this need before the Father and trusting Him to work in incredible ways. School starts in ten days. I have no idea how He will choose to move, but there is so much joy and peace in serving a big God who is more than able to meet all our needs (Philippians 4:19).

If you feel Him leading you to partner with this ministry, please let me know, or visit karunyaministries.wordpress.com.

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen." Ephesians 3:20-21